Coming through the pain

I play a lot, as people who know me know. I am a slut, a greedy little SAM, who needs a lot, and who's lucky to have a husband and friends who will give it to her on a pretty regular basis. And, I've been playing since my early twenties. So I know by now that a spanking is going to hurt.

Still, I tend not to think about that. I seem to FORGET how much it hurts until it's actually happening. I'll be over Rad's knee and when he starts to spank me it seems harder than EVER. (He has a very hard hand.) Is my pain memory very short; my pleasure memory longer? (Does this have anything to do with my addictive nature, why I drank for so many years? ... )

When a spanking (belting, caning, paddling) starts to feel too hard, my body reacts. I struggle. This, to me, is the beginning. This is where my top pushes me back down, orders me to stay in position and take my punishment, or physically restrains me -- a leg locked over my legs so I can't kick, or actual ropes or duct tape or something else locking me into position. Then when the punishment continues I REALLY have no choice, and I start to panic, and my top still keeps going. And going. And only stops when HE thinks I've had enough.

I'm not a safe-word type of girl. Don't use them very often. Feel sure that all the tops I play with respect them, would stop if I used one (I HAVE, on a few occasions) and would never harm me. Hurt me -- yes. Harm, no.

And the top pushes me to the point of panic, where I think I can't take ANY more, and he MAKES me. Oh god, no... I'm completely out of control, my body is not my own, during this period. I have no choice in anything.

And when he stops, at last, after that, we're sweating and breathing hard and the struggle comes to an end, I am high as a f***ing kite.

That's a scene.