Dream analysis

I've always had this idea that when I dream in vivid details, my subconscious is trying to tell me something. I haven't interpreted the entire dream, except that I think the drinking part of the dream has to do with my spanking/bdsm life, and playing with others besides P.


He always says he is okay with it, but it's very hard to talk with him about it. I don't think he wants to talk about it, especially when there's another hard, dominant player, because I think he begins to feel that another alpha male is honing in on his territory. HE is the alpha male. I'm not just saying that; he is very "alpha." (In a good way -- I love that he feels possessive of me).


On the other hand, people that I like to play with can become issues. And the very reason I enjoy playing with them is the SAME reason that they become issues. Why? Because they tend to be cocky, assertive, sometimes arrogant men, who will toss me around and make me behave. They can be very obnoxious. Thank god there are only a few of them out there. D is one of them. Beyond what I've just said, we had a history where we fooled around with dating (he could never get serious) and he was my dom for a few years. Now he's a friend who only steps into the dom role when we play. I did have a lot of feelings for him at one point. I moved on, started dating again, and now I am married to P. Yes, our play can be emotional, but it remains play.



If a young, hot girl wanted to play with P. (and he's a really good player; it easily could happen), would that make me nervous? It's hard to say. I don't think so, unless I'm going through what I went through at the recent SL party, where I didn't think I was getting enough of HIM and I certainly wasn't getting enough topping from others.


I think he and I don't talk enough. I don't know exactly how comfortable he is, yet, with sharing. He SAYS he's OK, but I'm not sure, sometimes. Nothing is sexual, and it WILL be kept non-sexual. Yet, we are in sort of a swinging lifestyle, when you get down to it. It is almost more intimate than swinging, if that's possible. Well, when this is your kink...

The other part of my dream analysis is that I need to get an AA sponsor, locally, and soon.