This is a repost of the blog I wrote about my car accident on May 4, for anyone who wants to know. I might not keep it up here long, since I feel like I've talked about it too much and I don't want to press my luck.
But here's what happened:
We were on the Long Island Expressway, driving home after a good night of play and socializing at Paddles. Paul was driving, as usual. I was tired, a little sore, distracted, not paying attention to the road. I was probably checking emails from my phone, something I like to do.
Suddenly I heard Paul say, "Look out!" I felt the car swerve suddenly. I jerked my head up. What's happening? (A dog had run onto the LIE and Paul had swerved to avoid it). I didn't see this, had no time to figure things out. It was happening too fast. Next there was this unbelievably loud crunch of an inpact -- someone's slammed into us, I thought -- but the car kept moving, we were spinning, tumbling, I'm being tossed, the car kept moving, speeding toward some certain impact.
"Here we go!" I thought, not sure which body part would be struck first. I might have thought the words, "Oh, God!" but I didn't have time to really pray. I registered that I was upside down and still moving, and that we were going to hit SOMETHING, and there was about to be a fucking shitload of pain. I was going to be mangled, my face was going to smack into the windshield, my arm was going to be crushed, bones would break, my whole head was about to be pulverized.
The thought, "I'm about to die," didn't really enter my consciousness, however. It was just a terrified anticipation of major pain.
And then the car stopped. My face, my arms, all other body parts were intact, as far as I could tell. I was alive. Was I upside down? I was unable to determine this completely. (I was). I heard Paul's voice then, sounding very frightened. He called my name and said, "Get out of the car. Get out of the car!" I didn't realize till later he had seen a lot of sparks as the car was dragging on its roof. He was scared the car would burst into flames. Where was he? Was he next to me? How could I get out of the car? How do I unbuckle my seatbelt? Would I fall if I unbuckled my seatbelt? "How?" I said, beginning to shake, my teeth chattering. "I'm trying..." I have to try. Where's the buckle?
Someone reached over and unbuckled my seat belt; hands helped me out of the car. We were on the highway but no cars were going by. Traffic on the LIE has stopped. Strangers had stopped to help. There was a truck driver, an off-duty female police officer, a couple other guys. I couldn't see very well. My glasses had fallen off. I saw our blurry car tilted up, resting on its roof. The police officer and a man walked me to the side of the road. "Stay here," the off-duty cop said. "Stay out of the road." I couldn't stop shaking. I tried to stay there, but didn't see where Paul was. I began to panic. Was he still in the car? Is he hurt? Is he alive? Then I remembered him telling me to get out, so I knew he must be alive. I yelled his name across the road, started to go back over. Someone stopped me, told me to try to breathe, to stay to the side of the road. Paul finally came over. He looked okay except for a small cut on his hand.
We were alive. We were walking around. WHY were we alive? Was there a reason for this? I shook and shook with fear, relief, shock. The shaking continued until the ambulance arrived. My neck and back hurt so they put a neck brace on me and strapped me onto a back board. Inside the ambulance the EMT started to take my blood pressure and saw how badly I was shaking. "Take some deep breaths," he said. "You'll screw up the reading. Just breathe. You are okay." As I'm pretty good at following directions, I obeyed. I focused on my breathing, and my shaking finally stopped. I was alive! And I think maybe God was telling me something.
The hospital was another ordeal. We were in emergency room for twelve hours. They admitted me finally, around 3 p.m. Sunday afternoon. They took X-rays, CT scans, blood and urine tests to rule out internal bleeding. Because they'd spotted something on one test, they wanted to monitor me overnight. They'd wanted to place a catheter to test for bleeding, and I nearly freaked out at that news. But I was lucky and didn't have to go through with it. Subsequent tests showed I was okay.
Paul was X-rayed and discharged way earlier, but he stayed with me the whole time until I was admitted. He was so tired and hungry, but wouldn't leave me. I love him so much. He is my strength, I think.
I was released around 11 a.m. Since then, I have been walking around on a fucking pink cloud, thinking life could not be better. I have never felt so good, so alive. I AM in some pain, yes, but it's so minor compared to what I expected.
Thanks to all who called, emailed, or messaged their support. You are the best! That's my story. And now I move on, and life goes on.
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