some new pics

the cat who loved feet...


Riverside Park, near where I work, with George Washington Bridge in the distance. I just liked how the shot turned out.

Stuffed

A friend and some friends of hers went out to a Korean barbecue place tonight for dinner; we completely pigged out. It was so good. My diet has gone completely to hell and pretty much so has my exercise plan since the accident. I am back to doing pushups, finally, and walking, but not much else. It's all right. I won't eat as much tomorrow, and I'll go for a walk (if it doesn't rain).

We bought a new car today; see picture -- it's a Toyota Scion. A short, somewhat boxy car that has a terrific safety rating, decent mileage (not as good as the Yaris, but close), plus a lot of new gadgets. You can plug your i-Pod in and listen through the radio! How cool is that?

We go to Florida in one week for Florida Moonshine party. It's going to be a busy week, still have to get haircut, pedicure, new underwear. Maybe somewhere along the way P. and I will get to play...

repost of my blog about the accident

This is a repost of the blog I wrote about my car accident on May 4, for anyone who wants to know. I might not keep it up here long, since I feel like I've talked about it too much and I don't want to press my luck.

But here's what happened:

We were on the Long Island Expressway, driving home after a good night of play and socializing at Paddles. Paul was driving, as usual. I was tired, a little sore, distracted, not paying attention to the road. I was probably checking emails from my phone, something I like to do.

Suddenly I heard Paul say, "Look out!" I felt the car swerve suddenly. I jerked my head up. What's happening? (A dog had run onto the LIE and Paul had swerved to avoid it). I didn't see this, had no time to figure things out. It was happening too fast. Next there was this unbelievably loud crunch of an inpact -- someone's slammed into us, I thought -- but the car kept moving, we were spinning, tumbling, I'm being tossed, the car kept moving, speeding toward some certain impact.

"Here we go!" I thought, not sure which body part would be struck first. I might have thought the words, "Oh, God!" but I didn't have time to really pray. I registered that I was upside down and still moving, and that we were going to hit SOMETHING, and there was about to be a fucking shitload of pain. I was going to be mangled, my face was going to smack into the windshield, my arm was going to be crushed, bones would break, my whole head was about to be pulverized.

The thought, "I'm about to die," didn't really enter my consciousness, however. It was just a terrified anticipation of major pain.

And then the car stopped. My face, my arms, all other body parts were intact, as far as I could tell. I was alive. Was I upside down? I was unable to determine this completely. (I was). I heard Paul's voice then, sounding very frightened. He called my name and said, "Get out of the car. Get out of the car!" I didn't realize till later he had seen a lot of sparks as the car was dragging on its roof. He was scared the car would burst into flames. Where was he? Was he next to me? How could I get out of the car? How do I unbuckle my seatbelt? Would I fall if I unbuckled my seatbelt? "How?" I said, beginning to shake, my teeth chattering. "I'm trying..." I have to try. Where's the buckle?

Someone reached over and unbuckled my seat belt; hands helped me out of the car. We were on the highway but no cars were going by. Traffic on the LIE has stopped. Strangers had stopped to help. There was a truck driver, an off-duty female police officer, a couple other guys. I couldn't see very well. My glasses had fallen off. I saw our blurry car tilted up, resting on its roof. The police officer and a man walked me to the side of the road. "Stay here," the off-duty cop said. "Stay out of the road." I couldn't stop shaking. I tried to stay there, but didn't see where Paul was. I began to panic. Was he still in the car? Is he hurt? Is he alive? Then I remembered him telling me to get out, so I knew he must be alive. I yelled his name across the road, started to go back over. Someone stopped me, told me to try to breathe, to stay to the side of the road. Paul finally came over. He looked okay except for a small cut on his hand.

We were alive. We were walking around. WHY were we alive? Was there a reason for this? I shook and shook with fear, relief, shock. The shaking continued until the ambulance arrived. My neck and back hurt so they put a neck brace on me and strapped me onto a back board. Inside the ambulance the EMT started to take my blood pressure and saw how badly I was shaking. "Take some deep breaths," he said. "You'll screw up the reading. Just breathe. You are okay." As I'm pretty good at following directions, I obeyed. I focused on my breathing, and my shaking finally stopped. I was alive! And I think maybe God was telling me something.

The hospital was another ordeal. We were in emergency room for twelve hours. They admitted me finally, around 3 p.m. Sunday afternoon. They took X-rays, CT scans, blood and urine tests to rule out internal bleeding. Because they'd spotted something on one test, they wanted to monitor me overnight. They'd wanted to place a catheter to test for bleeding, and I nearly freaked out at that news. But I was lucky and didn't have to go through with it. Subsequent tests showed I was okay.

Paul was X-rayed and discharged way earlier, but he stayed with me the whole time until I was admitted. He was so tired and hungry, but wouldn't leave me. I love him so much. He is my strength, I think.

I was released around 11 a.m. Since then, I have been walking around on a fucking pink cloud, thinking life could not be better. I have never felt so good, so alive. I AM in some pain, yes, but it's so minor compared to what I expected.

Thanks to all who called, emailed, or messaged their support. You are the best! That's my story. And now I move on, and life goes on.

I'm back

I've decided to start up the blog here again, just to let more people who aren't on MySpace read it. I have not come up with any concrete plan yet on subject matter, so for the time being it's just going to be about spanking, work, commuting, mental health, marriage, friends -- in other words, anything.

Wanted to talk about spanking as a relief from everyday pressures. I got a nice quickie spanking from P. earlier tonight. I told him I'd forgotten to take my medicine in the morning. He doesn't really punish me, he just sort of grabs an opportunity as a reason to put me over his knee. If I hadn't "misbehaved" and he wanted to spank me, he would just spank me.

I like feeling like a little girl. I like being told to assume the position. I like when it starts to hurt, and when he pushes me back into position when I start to struggle. I guess I just like not being in control, not having to make any decisions. I like the pain, too; it turns me on. But I like the submitting part more, the idea that I'm giving someone else authority. And, I like the fear, and I like being pushed through my fear.

When someone is simply disturbing

(Cross-posted from MySpace -- http://www.myspace.com/davidiamametelle)

What do you do when you're at a small local party or gathering and there's that one person you'd simply not want to have to see or deal with? When the rest of the crowd seems to have no problem with him or her, but because of your own personal history with this person, you feel awkward around him in small gatherings?

I've not stayed away from parties, but I have avoided smaller social events where I'd be in close proximity to this man for long periods of time.

The host of one of the party groups I belong to questioned us about him because of rumors that she wanted more info on -- she'd heard that he'd been banned from another group, and wanted to know what my husband and I knew. We told her what we knew first hand, and what we'd heard second or third hand, and clarified the difference.

She feels he has done nothing to her or anyone she knows, and that enough of the stories were not based on eye-witness accounts, so she's chosen to give this man the benefit of the doubt and include him in her members-only parties. Of course, he's allowed to go to Paddles, which is not private. Therefore, he's been at just about all of the recent parties and OTK nights we've attended.

I HAVE to respect her decision. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't. With the gossip that sometimes flies around our small spanking community, you HAVE to form your own opinion on a person and go with what you see, go with your OWN feelings.

My uncomfortability with this person is NOT based on rumors. He has bothered me, directly, in the past. He's acted like a stalker. Followed me around at Paddles and other parties, lurked on repeated occasions. This doesn't happen anymore (to ME) that I can tell, but it happened for a long enough period of time that I got really turned off to him. I have friends he's acted similarly toward. The alleged behavior that got him banned from the larger spanking group went beyond stalking, was more physical. I was not a witness, but I trust the people who told me about it.

Smaller social gatherings, including a possible bowling night, and a weekend "camping" trip at one of the group member's cabins, could be lots of fun. They would be great opportunities to get to know OTHER people better.

But right now, I don't think I can do it. So every time a group member proposes an activity, and he expresses an interest in attending, I cross it off my list of things I want to do. Should I be more forgiving? Am I biting off my nose to spite my face? Probably... but he creeps me out.

Asking for it

(Cross-posted from MySpace blog http://www.myspace.com/davidiamametelle)

The other morning I was dawdling, fooling around, and we left a few minutes late for work (we're supposed to be out the door by 7 a.m.). In the car, Paul told me, "You're getting a whipping tonight." I said, innocently, "Am I?" He said, "You'll see." All was sweetness and light, with a bit of banter -- nothing could actually happen to me right then.

That night I came home a bit late because I'd signed up to give blood after work. He said nothing about my threatened whipping, at least not right away. There was a Shadow Lane members' chat scheduled, so I turned on my computer and jumped in. Paul said he wasn't in the mood to chat right then, but periodically asked what the topic was.

At one point I told the chat room, "I'm supposed to be getting a whipping tonight but so far Paul hasn't said anything." One or two helpful "friends" offered to send Paul emails to remind him. I didn't know if I was in the mood either, and didn't really want to remind him.

We tend to use "whipping" in a vague way, as in, "You're getting your ass whupped." So it doesn't necessarily mean a whip will be used. It could be the liquid cane (extremely nasty), or a flogger, or the leather rat tail, or something else. That night, I was feeling "flogger, yes; liquid cane, no." But if Paul had said, "Okay, let's go into the bedroom so we can have our 'talk,'" I would have submitted and taken any implement he chose.

Almost right after I posted on the chat board about the pending whipping, Paul said, "So what are you guys talking about?" I got nervous and said, "Oh, nothing," in a voice indicating there was certainly "something" going on. I expected him to push me for an answer, which I would have given, but instead I think I hurt his feelings and left him thinking we were talking about him behind his back. Well, we WERE, but not in any bad way. I simply did not want to ASK him for my whipping, did not want to remind him of it.

The next morning, safely in the car on the way to work (hey, I'm not stupid) I came clean. But, he said, "I wasn't in the mood last night to punish you." "Oh," I said, somewhat relieved. We talked about it a little bit. For me, I'm often "not in the mood," but can get in the mood very quickly, especially when being MADE to accept it is a large part of what turns you on. And especially when a "real" punishment is what turns you on.

So the whipping is temporarily on hold, but still waiting for me, and could be carried out at any time. But I probably still won't ask for it. Until I start Jonesing for it. Which could happen. Who knows?