Not a real New Yorker yet...

I hate getting confused on the subway. After four-and-a-half years as a New Yorker, I should be used to it, but I tend to get myself into a pattern and everything outside that pattern becomes unfamiliar.

Last week I took the F Train to work. P. wasn't going to work that day. I normally either drive to Astoria with him or I take the QM1A. But I'd forgotten to put money on my Metro Card; I didn't have enough for the express bus so I asked P. to drive me to the closest subway, the F station on 179th.

I stopped at the machine to refill my card before I forget, then I got on the train. I hadn't taken the F in a long time and I was wracking my brain, thinking, Where's the transfer point? I had a decent seat for once, and I didn't feel like giving it up to go look at the map on the subway wall. Instead I tried to picture the grid in my head and I was thinking... Lexington? I can transfer at Lexington, right?

I got off at Lexington, surprised more commuters hadn't exited with me. Usually there's a lot more people at a transfer point. But I didn't see any signs for other trains. I thought I could get the N or R here.

There was a map on the station wall. Someone had peeled away a huge section of the map into the shape of what looked like a cock and balls, and they'd written "Fuck everybody" in the balls area. I thought of Holden Caulfield*, laugh to myself.

There's enough left of the map to figure things out. Here's where I screwed up: Lexington Avenue is a transfer to the 4, 5 or 6 -- which I used to take when I worked at Union Square. At least I'm not completely nuts. But that doesn't help now. I have to wait and get on the next F train. Sigh. Have to go to 34th, switch to the N, R, Q, or W north, transfer again at 42nd to the 1, 2, or 3.

At 42nd the 3 comes first, the express, and I don't feel like standing around so I hop on. This means yet another transfer; I switch at 72nd to the 1 local. This will take me to 116th and Broadway, my final destination.

The train is really crowded. I'm jammed next to a girl with a huge Barack Obama 2008 button, and a guy, standing over me, inches away, reading Obama's "Dreams of My Father." They don't appear to know each other.

At least I have a seat and can write. Thank God for something.

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*That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you." right under your nose. Try it sometime." -- Catcher in the Rye.