Addict!!

In Astoria, Queens, there's a place where they make the doughnuts for all the Dunkin' Donuts in the area. The aroma is in the air several times a week as we're walking the block and a half from our car to the Starbucks. I normally don't eat doughnuts -- it's probably been at least a year -- especially not now while I'm trying to lose weight. But the smell triggers ridiculous cravings. No matter that I've already had breakfast, I'm full, and I don't WANT a doughnut.

Last night it was brownies. Some evil person made homemade brownies and put them out for the taking at my FOB meeting. I could smell them when I went to get coffee. On the way back to my chair, I noticed a big chunk of brownie that someone had dropped on the floor. This triggered more desire for the brownies, oddly. (The idea that someone had wasted part of one made me want one more?) The night before, it was a cake at an anniversary meeting. There have been a LOT of anniversary meetings lately, which means a lot of cake to say no to.

The cravings continue, so it's a constant battle. When I allowed myself the chocolate on Valentine's Day, of course I wanted more. P. says I'm doing well; I'm resisting these cravings. But I'm thinking it's only a matter of time before I'm eating an entire pint of Chubby Hubby, or a bag of Pepperidge Farm macadamia nut white chocolate soft cookies, in one sitting. Yeah, I'm a fucking addict. I hate it!

Today, I run on the treadmill at lunchtime. That should get rid of some of these urges. Understanding my body, understanding that the cravings are a physical as well as a psychological phenomenon based on years of human evolution, does nothing. Eating well and allowing myself healthy snacks between meals does nothing. It always comes down to a white-knuckle, will-powered resolve, and THAT does not come naturally to me. "One hour at a time," as they say in the rooms.