Today is a new day

I have TONS of work to do when I get back to the office after three days off (five, counting the weekend, of course). I will not be thinking of food, blogging, checking email; I will be doing nothing but working and being a good girl all day long!

It is SO hard to be good, but will try to remember the consequences if I'm not.

FOOD! Arghhhhhhhhh!

I broke down. I suck. I caved to temptation, ate dessert at my brother's house yesterday AND a handful of nuts at my mom's. I was pretty good today, but did have some snacks that were set out prior to dinner.

I hate these freaking parties with all the food! I have NO PROBLEM seeing booze and watching other people drink. It's the chocolate brownies, the carrot cake, the cheese cake, the boxes of chocolate. I am so weak! I need more of a strategy beyond hiding in a closet in a bedroom upstairs.

I took long walks over the last couple of days. Tomorrow I go back to work, and I'll schedule a time on the treadmill.

Oh, yes, Paul gave me 10 with the liquid cane for breaking the diet. Five over jeans, five on the bare bottom. Yow!

Shopping and stress

I haven't written much about this on this site, but shopping, even non-Christmas-time shopping, stresses me out almost more than any other activity. It's a combination of my aversion to crowds; my annoyance of rude, selfish people; the pressures of trying to find the best bargains; and feeling down that I don't have more money. All of this is multiplied at Christmas. Yes, you can shop on line and avoid all of this (if you plan, which I seldom do). But then you always have to pay shipping costs, except at a few places like Amazon.

So, inevitably, I find myself faced with going shopping at the busiest time of the year. Macy's was open round the clock at a bunch of New York locations. Our closest Macy's in Douglaston was only open till midnight. At 10 p.m. P. and I decided to go out to pick up some things, some last minute gifts. I was exhausted and did not want to go out. My strategy is simply to talk myself into accepting as much as possible. If there is rudeness, let it go; if there are long lines, pick up a magazine; if there are bratty, demanding children running through the store, thank God you don't have your own...

Inevitably, it's better than you imagine. We found what we needed at Macy's (I did need to get something else, but that "something else" was an unknown and I was too tired to go browsing right then). There was a Modell's next door that was also open till Midnight. P.'s mom had asked for warm sweat shirt and sweatpants to wear around the house. We found them there, so it was a succesful trip. Made a brief foray through the sporting equipment, looked at an aisle-end display of ping-pong paddles. P. declared them "too flimsy" for my butt, and too loud to use in our apartment, so we moved on. Oh well.

At Macy's, as you may know, they have some partnership with Godiva chocolates so that no matter what department you're in there are chocolate bars for sale at the register. I'm a sucker for dark chocolate... and the stress of shopping made that chocolate so, so tempting. But it was late, I knew how much I would regret giving in, and I knew the momentary indulgence wouldn't be worth it.

Today we went to Barnes and Noble (we go every Sunday morning for coffee) and I finished my shopping. Thank god!

Temptations

Last two weeks at work there's been a steady stream of food gifts popping up in the office. These pics were just from ONE DAY last week. After that, a box of chocolate mints appeared. Then a huge tin holding three flavors of popcorn. Then another huge box of chocolates. And another tin of popcorn. Plus an enormous bag of mixed nuts. It seemed endless.

For whatever reason (normally I succumb to the call of the chocolate) I behaved, and so far, so good -- I'm sticking to my diet agreement. I THINK my jeans are a tiny bit looser, so I'm happy. I won't be weighing myself at least until one month is up. At that point, I'll either keep going, or make minor adjustments.

To be honest, I don't know whether I'll make it. I have this crazy idea that I CAN right now (which I hadn't had for a long time), so I have to roll with it and then try to keep rolling with it when it gets tougher down the road.

First day of winter blahhhhhh

I am being SO lazy today, although I've got a few more Christmas presents to buy, laundry to do, grocery shopping to do, etc. I'm sitting at computer looking at ... nothing. Fooling around. Working with pictures, practicing new Paint.net techniques, which is all well and good, but I need to go DO SOMETHING!

What I WANT to do is get trussed up or truss someone else up. We have the equipment, will someone bite soon? I know the Velcro doesn't look like much, but it really IS enough for holding someone during a scene. Hogtie, anyone? The leather harness, on the other hand, is VERY strong. And leaves your victim vulnerable for punishment.

The infamous Ikea dresser

We got the dresser assembled last week. Hallelujah! And P. helped. After all that time, I wasn't sure I wanted help. On Sunday afternoon I had a block of time available and I said, "I'm going into the bedroom and putting the dresser together!" He was on the computer, but said, "OK. What do I need to do to help?" I was annoyed that he hadn't volunteered earlier to help. It was sitting on our bedroom floor for ages. But, two things -- 1), I should have ASKED for help, and 2) I COULD have done it myself, but didn't. So I was annoyed and was bitchy about him jumping in just because I'd finally decided to get it done, but I was feeling so overwhelmed with all the parts that I was glad afterwall that he'd jumped in.

I eventually apologized for my bitchiness. And when we were done he made me kneel on the floor and lean over the edge of the bed. Then he gave me a good hairbrushing for my rudeness. (I love when he takes charge like that -- and it HURT!).

By the way, I spoke with a male friend at one of my meetings and he identified completely with P. He said men don't like to do anything and rarely will volunteer. I said, "So why did my husband offer to help me when I was heading to the bedroom?" My friend says, "Because if he hadn't, he would have felt guilty!" Oh -- is that true?

tacky stuff

Tacky NY Post headline of the week, after Ike Turner's passing on Dec. 12: Ike "Beats" Tina to Death. All I can say is "Wow. Tacky on SO many levels."
http://www.nypost.com/seven/12132007/news/nationalnews/ike_beats_tina_to_death_79527.htm

Stupidest interview question of the week (woman rescued after being pushed onto Subway tracks):
"What is that made you decide you weren't going to die at that moment?" http://www.xomba.com/watch_woman_interviewed_rescued_from_subway_tracks